Monday 2 April 2012

Here's how it works in BC.

The Victoria Parliament Buildings at midnight. A meeting in the janitor's closet between two men ... both are wearing grey fedoras and black trenchcoats, with Groucho Marx glasses and fake mustaches. They are whispering ....

BC Ferries guy - We need a price increase of about four percent to cover our next years bonuses and payouts to executives for great service to the people.
BC Liberal guy - Listen, we always gotta consider the backlash to fare increases. Uh, lose the cigar, would you?
BC Ferries guy - Backlash?  That was only because David was making a million a year and the ridership didn't like it? 
BC Liberal guy - David?  
BC Ferries guy - David Hahn.The last CEO of BC Ferries.
(BC Liberal guy slits open the door and peaks out. No sound from the eerie marble hallway) 
BC Liberal guy - Oh yeah. The guy who was in charge when that ferry sank.
BC Ferries guy - Um, we don't talk about that one, okay?
BC Liberal guy - Well, he took the spotlight off Gordo's salary and pensions.
BC Ferries guy - Gordo who?

BC Liberal guy - Gordon Campbell, the ex Premier who we hid in England.
BC Ferries guy - Oh, I heard about that. The Gordon's gin guy, we toast him with tumblers. What about our fare increase?
BC Liberal guy - No prob. What 'll we say you need it for? Gas? 
BC Ferries guy - Well diesel, that's what we use. The boats were made in Germany, you know, not BC.  Easier to disseminate the money off shore ... if you know what I mean.  (it is so black neither sees the other's wink) Hey, careful where you nudge, eh?

BC Liberal guy - Okay, sure, okay. (pause) Well this is how it works here in BC. You come out publicly and ask for, say a 15% increase, we'll have Christy step in and say she's looking after families and only give you like, 4.8%.
BC Ferries guy - What's the .8 percent for?
BC Liberal guy - You'll be in charge of the money, yeah?
(silence in the blackness)

BC Liberal guy - Win win for all of us.
BC Ferries guy - Lose lose for ferry riders though. (snicker) Say, who's this Christy anyways?
BC Liberal guy - New boss lady, Christy Campbell, er, I mean Clark. Oops, Freudian slip .... (a tremble in his voice) Sheez, I could get sent to East Vancouver for that.

BC Ferries guy - Oh yeah, I remember, Clark is the BC Rail woman.
BC Liberal guy - Shhh. We don't talk about that one and we don't remember stuff either. (he worriedly puts his ear to the slit and listens carefully) Psst! If anyone comes just grab a broom and start sweeping.
BC Ferries guy - You'll get this through before any elections or anything though, right?
BC Liberal guy - Done. Even before the secret RCMP contract. Say, you haven't seen BC Hydro guy, have you?

BC Ferries guy - I think I saw him in the gardener's tool shed siphoning gas out of a lawn mower. Hey, wanna grab a burger? I know an underground MacDonald's that stays open after midnight.
BC Liberal guy - Sheez, here in Victoria? Does everyone do illegal stuff now? Okay, but let's leave one at a time.
BC Ferries guy -You couldn't go as a British Harpo, could you?

Since 2003, when the Crown corporation was quasi privatized, BC Ferries' fares have gone up by about 70 per cent on the major routes between Vancouver Island and the Lower Mainland and by 80 per cent on the minor routes, according to a chart on the ferry commissioner's own website.
As the ridership declines, BC Ferries considers charging more from the few remaining passengers. These are the elite brainy people who run our province for huge salaries. 


  1. You have one hell of a sense of humor.

  2. Jeeesue. thats about how it is really done isnt it.

  3. Haha if it wasn't so freakin' true!


Keep it civil, folks, I know you're angry but try not to swear too much.