Saturday, 26 March 2011

Elections, Polls and Lying

     The Feds have started their election campaign. May second. The three amigos, Harper, Ignatief and Layton are all about to pretend to suck up to us. Each to blatantly lie about what their government will do for us. Prosperity and success are just around the corner, they'll say with a straight face, get those other people out and our people in! The people I know are worried about what the government will do TO them.
The polls will be polling right left and center. With all the politicians grouping themselves into that center. Man on the street polls. Web polls, shopping mall polls, telephone polls, newspaper polls, tabloid polls. Exit polls, entrance polls. Bar polls. Man on the toilet polls. All purporting to ask questions about your political intentions and print results honestly about who YOU want to govern you and your family. Be aware that veracity is not on the federal political comprehension list.

There'll be Ipsos polls, Compas, Gallup, Nanos, Polara polls etc etc ad nauseum. And by the time anyone in the West turns on the TV election night, without counting a single vote, you'll hear someone like Bill Good in his stentorian voice simply TELL you who your government is. Isn't that speshul?

It's the polls that irritate me. They ask you all these questions and we are supposed to answer candidly to some stranger with a clip board. I would sooner answer to a guy with a bicycle clip on his pantleg and an arrow through his head.
So I have promised myself I will lie to each and every one of them. Of course I will watch poll results previous to my being asked. If the Liberals are leading in my area, then I will be voting for NDP or Conservatives. No question asked of me will receive an honest answer. If it looks like a landslide for the Conservatives I will leap on that bandwagon and lie like hell about voting for them.

You see, if we ALL lie to these pollsters, the effects of polling become irrelevant. No one will believe the results because they might have forecast a landslide win by the Reform party and the Marijuana party snuck in somehow! A gleeful result, get some potting soil!
So the guy approaches you on the street and asks if you will be voting in this election? You say Yes, I will. And who for? You say, (randomly) the NDP. Conservatives, Liberals, the Bloc even! (That ultimate lie is to make Quebeckers think someone outside of the 'nation' of Quebec likes them) Saying you will vote for the obscure parties will be fun for you too. Here you have lots of choices among the oddballs and their silly promises: You could validate them by lying about your vote and INvalidate other polling results. What fun ...

The Abolitionist Party - Whatever they are abolitioning.
Animal Alliance Party - Become a dog and vote for more soft watery food.
The Atlantica Party - They just might find Atlantis with taxpayer money!
Bloc Quebecois - Bloc this, bloc that, bloc anything that doesn't give money to Quebec.
Christian Heritage Party - A vote for them might bring protest from Shinto Priests.
Communist Party - Well isn't China doing ok? They OWN the US now, you know.
Freedom Party - Is there something paradoxical in that name?
Libertarian Party - I read de Sades book, Justine was a Libertine.
NeoRhino Party - It's time we changed from those old leather rhinos anyway.
Parti Populaire des Putes - Yes, I know what it says in French.
Work Less Party - Take the whole election day off.

These are only a few choices of where to actually place your vote in the silence and secrecy of the polling booth. And actually voting for any one of these will probably result in the same outcome of who will be governing you in the next few years anyway.
You see? Your vote will probably have little effect on the way your life will progress after May second, 
Lie to them all, they're going to lie to us.

If it is a sunny day I might just head for the beach instead.


addenda: Mar 30 -  You saw it here yesterday and now a late news item today, already all around the blogisphere, a developing scandal  - 'CBC caught promoting a rigged Compas poll!  CBC has no explanation for why no matter which button the user always clicked, the "answer" always came out as "Liberal"!
Something is amiss with the CBC and the 'Compass' and that it is not to be trusted.' 

Isn't that what I said?

1 comment:

  1. I think the Conservative will get in again with a minority. That is a good thing keeps them all honest.


Keep it civil, folks, I know you're angry but try not to swear too much.