"Right now? I'm having an election celebration with my Kelowna family."
"Yeah now, them reporters are startin' ta get close to findin' out what we did and ..."
"You came all the way from Vancouver?"
"Don't worry, I took the long way, through Kamloops."
"Any natural gas up there?"
"The car don't smell too good. Say, who are those tough lookin' guys, why are they at your dinner table with overcoats on? They look like Mafioso?"
"They're ethnics ... to counter the QuickWins scandal."
"Gangsters are ethnics now?"
"Never mind just follow me downstairs."
"To your basement? But I ..."
They plunge into the darkness.
"Shhh, wait a minute.""Christy, it's so dark down here, I can't see a thing. I nearly tripped on those old wooden stairs."
"Wait till I find the light switch, we just bought this house from Tony Soprano, not sure where everything is yet."
"That's better. Kinda scary down here. But this is what I needed to tell y... "
"Shh! Wait till I turn the washing machine on."
"Mind if I toss in my jacket with your saris? Had it on since Point Grey."
Kachung. Kachung. Kachung. Kachung.
"I'll turn on the table saw and let it vibrate too, can't be too careful."
BZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzing!
"DAMN THAT'S NOISY, CHRISTY!"
"Don't put your fingers near it."
"So Madam Premiere, we gotta ..."
"Hold on, I'll tune in Bill Good on the radio, I told him to be extra loud when I knew you were coming here. And give me a hand starting the lawnmower."
Tug.... tug, brrrraaaoooooorrrrrrrrrrrr!
"Sheez, is this overkill?"
"Can't be too careful, they're all after me, you know."
"It's about this email, Mz Premier ..."
"Sheez, you know we don't use emails anymore, don't you? Only talk in open parks."
"Sure but this is an old one."
"Let me see."
Silence as Christy reads the email in the dim light of the 10 watt oven bulb.
"I can fix this."
Christy digs through a dusty tool drawer and finds an old Magic Marker.
"There."
From the office of the Premier
Dear and you too !!
If you think you can
because I have people who can fucking kill you, or else. And
and theretofore you can we to meet with him/her and threaten furthermore,
down, and pay him 200000 dollars dollars.
Take the money out of Bollywood account.
And give it to . reach out
outreach breach me retch.
XX
Sincerly your Premiere Minster,
CC@ .com
Christy (cleavage) Clark
"Okay now? I got to go and blow out the candles."
"Sure, I'll stay down here till my jacket is ready."
"Okay but don't call anyone. You turned off your GPS didn't you? You heard about PRISM and the NSA."
"Sure I got the memo."
"And burned it, yes?"
"The NSA is tracking you?"
"No, but the NDP is ..... and I'm never sure about Rich."
"This is our new BC Liberal communication method if you have to write something down. You write the memo with lemon juice on onion skin paper. Just don't burn it when heating it up to read."
"You were a Cub Scout?"
"It came with my Dick Tracy ring."
"Okay Christy. Too bad about Tony Soprano being dead."
"Don't believe everything you see on TMZ."
"Wha?"
